your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
