We're facebook friends in real life
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
