i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
