Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
