I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
