I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
