Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
