i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just found puke in my bra..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
