I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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