My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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