I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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