its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
