I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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