You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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