living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
