maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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