I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
