I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
