my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
