I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
