Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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