Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Send help, water and tortillas.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
