I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
