Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
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