wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
