U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
