I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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