you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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