in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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