Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
