I'm so fucking centered right now
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
