Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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