he was CRYING into my vagina
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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