Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
