I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
