There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Randomize
