fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
