i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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