I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
