i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
