We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
