i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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