Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
