I'm going to jail i love you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
worst night to have a conscience
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
