i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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