I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
