he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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