it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
