i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
