My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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