I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
