he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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