that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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