he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
