i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
