It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
