He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
