OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
