You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
