I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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