I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
