So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
