woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
