i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
