I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize