I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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