Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
