thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
