Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
