what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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