I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
